She Did The Best She Could WIth What She Had

Mom, she did the best she could with what she had at the time.  I could hold resentments towards all of the pain, the emotional, physical, and mental abuse, but how could that serve me now in my life?  I must move forward and let go of the victim mentality and recognize it as part of my path.  Had I not gone through everything that I did as a child and young adult, I would not be the woman that I am today.  And today, I love who I am.

All of the abuse, of which was extremely violent, has lead me to be a more compassionate soul.  A woman who can empathize with other's pain and struggles.  I know what it means to go through and get through the pain and move onto the other side.  Without continuing the victim mentality.  Certainly, it took years to get to this point.  A lot of intensive therapy and spiritual growth.  A lot of willingness to forgive.  Surely there are days that I wish Mom were in my life.  But, she is not a well woman.  She has lived a life of pain, alcoholism, and victimization.  Her path is her path.  She, I believe, had lessons to learn in this lifetime and failed to address them.

My greatest fear for so long was that I would end up like her.  Living in darkness, anger, regret, and being abusive.  I chose the opposite.  I wanted to address the pain.  I wanted to grow through everything that had been done to me and everything I had done to myself through poor, misguided choices I made earlier in life.  I had to get honest.  I had to get honest to get hold of what it was I was going through.  It was scary.  It was difficult.  It was painful.  But, I knew that I had to go through the darkness to get to the light.  I knew on a soul level that the light of all that IS was within, too.  I was just shut off from it from all of the accumulated pain throughout all of my years of life.

Today, I am all the wiser.  Tremendous healing has occurred for me.  All through the grace of God.  I believe in a power greater than myself.  I know I'm not it.  I had to release my fears into the light and know that I would survive this and get through to the other side.

Typically, I would go into detail on the things that happened to me as a child.  I choose not to do that today.  Eventually, however, I will.  I feel it will allow healing to occur in someone else's life.  But for today, I release all that is to the light of love, understanding, compassion, and healing.  I believe in my path and each and every step I have taken.  Again, it has made me the person that I am.  And who I am, I believe, is a woman who wants to share with the world the impact that internal and external struggles can have on our lives.  I want everyone to know that the light does exist for all of us.  We no longer need to live as victims, but rather embrace each and everything that has happened in our lives and use them as opportunities for enlightenment.  Let us all grow in peace, love, and understanding.  This is what my greatest prayer for everyone is.  I know.  Oh, how I know, that it can be done.  Just believe, be brave, be strong and resilient.  All goodness is here for us all.

May you be in the light of LOVE today and always!
Sharon Asheton